maglubay na liezl, last na ito!

Learning it in the hard way...

Mahirap talaga sa kalooban pagmaytampo sa puso. Nainis ako sa sarili ko dahil sa galit nakakasakit ako ng damdamin. I need to drop this or else it will it me up inside. Having an irk feeling towards other people eats up energy and wasted time thinking over it again. Undergoing a lot of stress makes me cry. Whenever my heart is troubled, my sensitivity shoots up. Napapansin ko lang, sobrang iyakin ako this week. Naumpisahan last Sunday, hanggang sa ngayon naiiyak pa rin ako. Mahirap mag-sorry pagnasaktan ka at na misunderstood. I tend to reason out and think of how I feel (which makes the situation worst). Grrrrr, sobra talaga. Still small voice within me keeps on telling me this words, "Hindi ka dapat magtiis, ang sabi ko magpatawad ka." Ang hirap gawin pero yun ang nararapat. We forgive and we forget. My mom even noticed that its only now that I've been behaving like this. Hindi siya sanay at natatakot siya para sa akin. Kung kasing dali lang ng trash mode ni Luke ang magpatawad madali lang yun. Ayoko na nito, gusto ko ng matapos ito. This needs to be settled, malapit na boards namin at higit sa mahirap makapagcpncentrate sa exam, its hard to carry excess luggage. Lord, deliver me from this. Pray for me too. Parang roller coaster ride ang emotions ko ngayon. I have done something wrong, especially ang magtiis. Hindi naman sinabi ni Lord na magtiis ka lang anak. Sabi nya, "magpatawad ka anak 77x7 everyday". Hoping this will be settled soon. Liezl, don't stress yourself more!

115th Day

115th Day
April 22, 2008
Tuesday 6:33:19 PM

I had my 2nd day review in my school, about PERIODONTICS. Basically, about periodontium, the same structured shared with Endodontics (RCT). Next week we will be finishing our review class in UP, I’m gonna miss it, but I don’t want to go back there for the same reason. I’m hoping that the next time I’ll be going back there, I’ll be helping out students who’ll be taking their board exam. (“,) I started my serious review yesterday, but still I’m not yet finished with my set goal for the week. Three subjects to go then, I can start with the second day sets of exam. I had some regret, since I cannot really have in-depth study on the said subjects. Medyo emo mode ang last blog ko sa blogger. Nakakatawa, medyo relieve na ako ngayon. Seemingly at peace. Nakakatuwa wifi area ang room ng review so paginaantok ako nagsusurf na lang ako. Akala ng iba aral na aral na ako, kung ganoon sana hindi na ako umaattend pa ng mga review para makapagpahinga. We are hoping that our practical review will be moved after the theoretical exam. Wow, talagang hopeful na kami makakapasa kami! Ayun yun, fighting power! Com’ on FAITH!
Time may not be enough for the review but God’s grace is enough! Lumolobo talaga ako sa review puros kain gallore ata ginagawa ko. Just to be more healthy and to avoid sleeping inside the class (which is nakakahiya, since ang ibang prof ay kilala ko na!), I will cut down rice starting tomorrow. Sasanayin ko na system ko, para sa exam, hindi ako inaantok. I remember during our previous chess games, we were not given rice for lunch, kasi nga aantukin ka, Mabigat sa tyan, masarap matulog. Na-imagine nyo na ba yun? Oink! Oink!
Sa review class ko naappreciate ang ibang bagay na hindi ko maiintindihan dati. Nakakatuwang isipin na natapos ko na rin ang ibang clinical requirements na yon! On thursday magpa-file na kami sa PRC. All I can really do now is just face the challenge, I know God will help me. Nasamahan nya nga ako sa Dentistry course ko, ngayong boards pa? I need your support! This is not just a solo effort! Ka-team ko pamilya, kaibigan, LG, churchmates, students ko at lahat ng tao na tumulong sa akin mula noon hanggang sa huli! Ayun ang drama! Please stand with me in prayers! May 21-23, 2008 na ang Theoretical Exam namin! At sa June 4-5 naman ang practical! O sige, sa lahat ng nagrereview na kasama, kakilala, kaibigan ko! Kaya natin ito!!! Sabi nga, “don’t give up during crucial moments.” In humility do everything to honor God.
***
To my dear gracie, I’m sorry hindi kita na hatid sa airport! I’m gonna miss you more! I’ll be praying for you! Have peace and joy within your heart! Take care! Kahit magkaroon ka ng mga blondie na friends, don’t forget us your girlfriends!!! Paano ba yan gracie, hanggang sa muling pagkikita! Or bisitahin ka na lang namin! Ayun oh!
Ok, after one hour study mode na!

Paunawa: Wala muna akong mobile phone sa ngayon. I’m gonna use the same number pa rin. Update ko na lang kayo soon!

dulot ng stress hahahaha!

Hurtful words kill and cause intense pain.

Lahat ng tao may kapintasan. Mga katangiang kinaayawan ng iba at kinaiinis pa. Hindi lahat ng tao ay magbibigay ng oras para ikaw ay kilalanin ng higit sa nakikita ng mga mata. May mga kahinaan ang bawat tao. Minsan may mga pagkakataon na wala ka ng magawa kundi tanggapin ang salitang hindi naman talaga totoo. Kahit anong gawin mo, masakit at tatagos ito sayo. Tulog ka man o hindi. Kung ikaw, kagaya ko ay nagkakamali, welcome to the club pare. Kung ikaw ay lumagapak na, di ka nagiisa. Kung ang sukatan ng pagiging magaling ay sa gawaing bahay, pananamit, postura at iba pa. Sa ngayon ay di pa ako papasa. Natutunan ko ng hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay maiintindihan ka ng iba, minsan yung mas malapit pa sa puso mo ang tiyak na sasapol sayo. You are not given trials that you can't bear, sabi nga. Hindi ko man maintindihan ngayon, magtitiwala pa rin ako sa Kanya. Hindi nakakatulong ang magtanim ng sama ng loob. Yes, offenses are inevitable but I choose to forgive. May pagkukulang din naman ako. Kung si Joseph nga pinagbenta ng mga kapatid nya kahit wala naman siyang inisip na masama laban sa iba. Hindi pa rin ako nawawalan ng pag-asa, alam kong magpagbabago pang mangyayari. Hindi lang sa akin, kundi sa sitwasyon ko ngayon. Every places in our journey (in life) is an avenue to test one's character. Dalangin ko ngayon, pumasa ako.

Mga natutunan ko:
• Magpatawad kahit nasaktan upang di mo dalhin ito. It would induce secretion of chemical changes that causes stress.
• Mas maging maingat sa mga binibitawang salita, pagkat hindi mo na ito mababawi.
• Mas masakit ang pagusapan kang tulog at nakatalikod kaysa harapan kang kakausapin.
• Kung ang bawat masamang salitang ay basura, lalong dudumi ang mundo ngayon.
• Umiyak ka at matutong tumahan pagkat may pag-asa pa. Alalahanin na ang sariling suliranin ay di makukumpara sa hirap ng suliranin ng bansa.


Salamat.

Kapatid

annie: ay, oo nga pala bibili tayo ng frame
liezl: ano? frame nanaman, angdami dami mo ng frame ah, para saan nanaman?
annie: may bago akong dalawa dyan eh, wala pang frame
liezl: ok, so kelan ka ga-graduate?
annie: 2009
papa elner: talaga?
annie: gagraduate ng cum laude, aba 28 lang kami dati, ngayon 21 na lang.

Ayun ang aking kapatid malakas ang fighting-pilit, hahaha. She will kill me if she happens to read this one. Anyways, among the three of us, she's really the achiever since kinder. She's kinda OC when it comes to her academics, but one things that I always tell her, "ano agen, please pakihinaan naman ang pagbabasa mo. Pati ako narereview mo na." Few weeks ago she opened up to me, ranting about her two subjects. She's afraid that her prof would flunk her on those subjects. Ayun, ako naman grab the opportunity ate ken (me) to be able to give some pat on her shoulder. Sabi ko sa kanya, ako nga naranasan ko ng mag-flunk (hahaha, guess what? resto! ughhh!) Yes I flunked once, because of being late. Its a 7 am class, and I only got 1 quiz in pelims and 2 during midterms. Three out of six quizzes lang nakuha ko! Yung finals halos i-perfect ko, kaso ayun tinabla ako ng prof ko, tinawanan pa ako nung nagbibigay ng strip of paper with my grades. Seriously, after that I've learned my lesson! Masakit bumagsak at sa totoo lang ah nakakahiya sa mga magulang ko. For the record, more than one month lang po ako nakatungo at di makatingin sa magulang ko. Gracie, knows this and she was my partner during my summer class. Nag-resurrect ang grades ko sabi pa ni Mommy, "anak, magsummer ka na lang ulit ang taas ng grades mo." Nakakatawa pero tagos sa akin yun! But infairness naman sa akin ah. Kina-reer ko ang reporting kaya ayun bawing bawi! hahahaha! Ayan dyan ka magaling.

Back to my sister, she even cried and rant over her situation that day. She was aking me something in favor. I did. hahaha, konsintidor. Hindi naman, i understand her situation that time. Naalala ko lang lgi, tuwing nag-aask sila ng favor sa akin, dapat tulungan. Sabi nga ni Pastor Ed, hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon hihingi ng tulong ang mga kapatid mo kaya, pagmay pagkakataon tulungan mo agad ng walang pasubali." I may not be able to attend to their needs all the time, and I'm not even a perfect BIG SIS figure for them, I still do my best to be one. Hindi man ngayon, may tamang panahon! Ayun ko po ang drama! Btw, she got her grades already and answered prayer tumaas pa ang grades niya. Masaya ako para sa kanya. I just hoe she remember what i told her. "Agen, para saan ba ang kagustuhan mo mag-excel?" "Kasi kung dahil lamang yan sa mga tao, sa mga magulang natin, may higit pang dahilan kung bakit ka dapat mag-excel." "We can't please everybody, I've tried that and i got hurt so badly." "Hanggang saan dadalhin ng sarili mong diskarte?" "Remember His words, not by might, not by power but by the Spirit of God." Afternoon, hala bumaha na ng luha. Hehehehe. Alam nyo naman ako, critic ako ng kapatid ko, kasi mas masasaktan sila kung sa iba pa nila maririnig. Thank God for His grace, hindi naman din ako extreme.

Our bunso is in Zambales right now with her friends. I just hope she'll enjoy her vacation and when she comes back, she'll be charged and be able to speak to my parents about her course! Com'on sissy!

All of us have his/her own broken grades stories. Hahaha, hindi ako nagiisa. But whatever brokeness that we have, even its not about our grade. There is someone above us who will be there to pick us up and say, "Oh anak, temporary setback lang yan, hindi pa tapos ang laban. My child, my grace is enough." Ayun! Thank you Lord!

Now, grace to study hard for the upcoming board exam. Mga friends pasama sa prayers!

94th Day of 2008

94th Day
April 1, 2008
@ www.liezldentprincess.blogger.com
TUESDAY, 1:05:14 PM
(At home)

We often face dilemma, and everyday we need to make a difficult choice. To be or not to be, what's the answers to my question? The original lines during my dear friend back in high school during her oratorical speech, "to be or not to be..and that is the question." Tomorrow will be our toga distribution, plus unexpected graduation practice. So we have a practice tomorrow, and it conflicts my review schedule. A little regret on my part, because my parents need to pay for that again and it conflicts my schedule for studying. So, I think I'll be having some resched suggestion to the review adviser (who happens to be the wife of my professor in Oral surgery).

Oral Diagnosis and Roent versus Toga distribution and Grad practice for April 8, 2008.
***
I decided to avoid the following:
Coffee and Fats. Yes, I'm guilty of excessive consumption of fats and I don't want to get to a breaking point. I'll have my general check up after passing the Board Exam (Faith ito!) so to stop this anxiety I'm having. I better love drinking water and change my eating habits before its too late. Plus the fact that neurons (brain cells) and myocytes (heart cells) are the only permanent cells in the body. This means, it can't rejuvenate once used. (***God made all things perfect, even our bodies. Imagine if this two cells were not perfect, it will just divide and it will not be balance anymore). Anyways, thanks for His grace its not yet late to be healthy.
***
I've noticed that as the days passed by, the were challenges ahead of me that I need to face. First, physical, then financial, next another aspect. I'm grateful the His words are always perfect and flawless. No regret that I have chosen to take my relationship with Him seriously. Though I'm still far from being perfect, I know His faithful and my Hope is in Him.

He checked my motives about taking the upcoming Dental Board Exam (this May for theoretical; June for practicals). Yes, admittedly I want to prove something. It was wrong, a sign of insecurity, self reliance, and trace of bitterness. First of all taking the board exam doesn't measure you whole being. Its a test of improvement, how well did one learned during his/her years studying the field of Dentistry. Second, letting go of the past experiences that brought some bitterness to some people during the practice of such scientific discipline. I'm thankful that I've finished my studies in CEU. Not only I was able to study there but just being in a university is already a privilege. God provided everything and I cannot boast anything. He made my parents as a vessel to bless my studies. Instead of reminiscing the past complains and rants, I rather have a thankful attitude at all times.

Next thing, I was really bothered by this students who had been laughing about other dental school. I don't think we have the right to judge a student according to the school he came from. Sorry, I may sound serious, OA or what ever you call it, injustice yun for me. Plus, taking the board exam for the third time is not funny so don't laugh, instead be thankful your not on her shoes. Anyways, I've been reminded again about how did Jesus acted during those situation. WWJD (what would Jesus Do). Si Lord, secure lang. He knows what to do in every moment, cause He is led by the spirit. He focus on his mission and not the destruction of the enemy, and the enemy himself. He said in psalms, "Doing something for you, bringing something to you—that's not what you're after. Being religious, acting pious—that's not what you're asking for," (from Psalm 40:6 the MSG).

So lessons learned:
1. SECURITY. God is my refuge in times of troubles. Trust (means, not being moved or distracted by situations or people) HIM and He knows what's best. Jesus as the model.
2. GRACE. His grace is enough.
3. Don't be distracted by others, just listen to God for encouragements is within His word. His presence is the most safest place to be, in the center of His will.

4 Even when the way goes through
      Death Valley,
   I'm not afraid
      when you walk at my side.
   Your trusty shepherd's crook
      makes me feel secure.
(from Psalms 23)

*Btw, i'm doing this in between my study breaks. Today is my official study mode. I wasn't able to meet my friend Bianx for our study session, due to lack of rest. Straight week of review. Well, sacrifice, for it will all be worth it in the end.

Back to study mode. (",)♥♡♥